A Forgotten Tale
by emoly01
Summary: Ed wakes up in the hospital, unable to remember an entire week. He tells himself he doesn't want to know what happened anyway when all the signs point to rape. But a sudden recollection makes him wonder if it isn't better to investigate. Rated MA, RoyEd some random thing I threw together
1. Hospitalized

Ed had never been under the impression that memory makes the man - that personality was based on experience, and without memory or experience, a man was blank as a newborn baby. He'd never really believed that, but he was beginning to, now. Now, staring at himself in the mirror, brow furrowed, feeling as if a chunk of his soul was missing because he just couldn't remember. Oh, there had been hints, definitely, and he could accurately guess what had happened, but it wasn't the same as remembering. He wasn't sure he wanted to remember, even though he felt like a stranger to himself without it. This way, it was so much less painful, just conjecture, however likely, and much less personal. He could walk away unscathed, except for nightmares he already had and missing a chunk of his memory. Really, a week of missing information... It drove him insane thinking about it. Where did it all go?

Simply put, away. He'd put it away; that's what the doctor had said. Away, into oblivion, or into a mental copper box locked up nicely - either way, his past self had put the memories away, so he couldn't peruse them anymore. Clever past self indeed, except had he taken into account his natural curiosity? It seemed unlikely that it had been a conscious act, although it might have been with some intense meditating or hypnotism, but no matter his questions or the answers, he didn't see a way of regaining his memories. Or perhaps he was ignoring those options in favor of blissful ignorance. They had been put away for a reason, right? And judging from his "clues" as to what had happened, he knew those were good reasons.

Still, he contemplated all of this. He didn't consider the other reason he might possibly have forgotten - the nice, once bleeding lump on his head was as good a reason as any to forget an entire week - and he didn't consider it because he liked to entertain the idea that he _could _get it back if he ever found out how to reach into his subconscious. These thoughts were all good and organized, but he forgot he was staring at himself in the mirror and that the doctor was going to realize he was missing from his room soon. So he stood there, thinking, until a nurse showed up and bustled about him, and those thoughts lost focus and scattered before the nurse escorted him back to his room. It was hard to focus on anything after that - even the tiled floor that he walked on. Just couldn't keep his focus. It was like walking through a fog. What had happened to that happy moment of clarity, pondering his memory loss?

He found himself in bed, frowning up at his brother, who looked concerned. "Al?" he asked slowly. "Wasn't I in the bathroom?" He shook his head a little to clear it, but it only made it worse. Concussions really sucked. He had gotten hit in the head, right? Yeah, it still hurt. Al sighed and sat down next to the bed, eyebrows drawn together.

"Brother, do you remember anything? The doctor said you... Well..."

Ed scowled suddenly. Doctors. Always the doctors. They always said stupid, obvious things, and then told your loved ones even when they shouldn't know. "I don't really remember much," he answered, slurring his words. "Did the doctor say something?"

Al opened his mouth to answer, but paused, wondering what good it would do while Ed was so confused. Well, the sooner Ed understood, the better, even if it took a lot of repeating to get the point across. "The doctor says there's signs of... sexual abuse, if you know what I mean."

Ed blinked, dazed. "Then you should really get that checked out, Al."

Al smiled sadly. "I meant, on you."

"On me..." Ed repeated slowly. Then, eyebrows furrowing, "Sexual abuse? Me?" Al nodded, hoping he got his point across. Ed rolled his eyes. "Well of course, but he didn't need to tell _you _that, did he?"

Al's eyes widened in disbelief. "What do you mean 'of course?'"

Ed squinted up at Al, watching his brother's face for a long moment. "Y'know," he slurred again, "I was thinking pretty nicely before. I don' think these are concussion symptoms." He closed his eyes, thinking back really hard. In the bathroom... Nurse... "Musta' injected me with someth'n... to keep me from fighting..." And he was out cold before he knew it.

Al sighed. Sometimes Ed was too smart for his own good, even drugged up. He waited until Ed woke again, and started the conversation again.

It was around nine in the morning the next day, the same bland hospital room with the same middle aged woman sleeping soundly a few feet away, nurses running about in the hallways. Ed was wide awake and eating crappy hospital food with a sour look on his face when Al decided it was time to try talking about it again.

"So, brother..." he began tentatively. Ed grunted. "What do you, uh... remember?" Ed looked up from his soggy broccoli, sending Al a sharp and undeserved glare. Seeing Ed's reluctance to answer, Al clarified, "About the week you went missing."

Ed looked away, back to poking his soggy broccoli. "Not much."

"So you wouldn't know anything about... signs of physical trauma?"

"Physical trauma," Ed grumbled unhappily. "Like, the entire reason I'm in this _hospital_?"

Al winced at the tone. "No, I meant... trauma of a sexual nature." He watched Ed carefully, but Ed didn't react the tiniest bit. He just kept poking. That spoke more volumes than Ed had intended. He thought if he could keep his expression blank, he wouldn't give anything away, but if he truly understood himself, he would have known to act surprised when Al suggested he'd been... taken advantage of. "So you do remember something," Al concluded.

Ed flung the broccoli off his fork and onto the ground. "No, I don't remember anything," he insisted. "I'm just..." He hesitated. "...not stupid. It's my body after all; I can feel it." Well, he _could _feel it, before he'd come to the hospital.

Al faltered. "You really don't remember a thing."

Ed raised an eyebrow. "Do you know something?"

Al shrugged. "I just got a disturbing phone call. That's about it." After he said it, he had expected Ed to perk up and ask about it - anything to remember and find out what happened. But Ed seemed as uninterested in finding out as he was in Mustang's love affairs. He just kept flinging broccoli to the floor. Al asked warily, "Do you want to know what you said on the phone?" Maybe Ed just needed a prompt, and he'd be interested...

"No," Ed replied quietly. "I don't want to know."

Al sighed. "So what's the last thing you remember?"

Ed stabbed the last broccoli. Hard. What was the last thing he remembered?

"Brother?" Al pried gently after a long minute.

What a funny thing, memory. To become fuzzy upon thinking about it...

"Brother, is something wrong?"

But he'd been so certain that he remembered something definite before his black out...

"Brother, you're crying."

"Am I?" he murmured. He touched his face, and pulled his fingers away. True enough, they glistened with salty tears. How strange... He didn't remember starting to cry. "Al?" he asked after another long minute. "Does anyone else know I've been raped?" A solid beat of silence.

"No."

"Good. Don't tell them. And tell that doctor to shut the fuck up."

"Are you sure you don't remember anything? And that you don't want to remember?"

"I'm absolutely sure, Al."

* * *

He wasn't lying in the hospital bed anymore. He was lying on the ground. Cold, hard, unforgiving asphalt. He was in pain, all over. His fingernails were gone, bloody and raw, but that was nothing to his ass, ripped open and raw, and still subject to intrusion. He couldn't fight, even if he'd wanted to. He didn't know why he couldn't - it was just a fact of the universe, like gravity, like air. Why does one breathe? Why did he sit still? The same answer.

He opened his eyes with a loud gasp, staring with wide pupils at the brightly lit hospital room. The remnants of the dream swirled around in his head. Darkness and pain, but it dissipated quickly into smoke that he could neither grasp or examine properly before it disappeared entirely. His eyes focused sharply on the face of a woman he didn't know, but recognized. She was middle aged, and he thought she looked strange while not relaxed in sleep. His roommate, for all intents and purposes. His cheek stung, and she had a pinched expression.

"Thought it'd be cruel to let you keep dreaming."

He blinked and sat up, realizing he had company. Roy Mustang sat by his bed, examining the situation sharply. "Cruel?" Ed croaked, wiping his eyes to get the crust off of them - and found tears. The woman didn't say anything, but she shuffled back to her own bed and lay down, her back to them. Ed turned to Mustang, still gathering his wits. What had his dream been about...? "What time is it?"

Roy answered without looking at a clock. "Just after eleven."

Judging by the brightly lit windows, he meant in the AM. Ed crossed his arms. "And what are you doing here, bastard?" He was relieved, at least a little, that someone aside from Al had come to visit him. Something about only seeing Al was a little unnerving, but now that that was out of the way, he hated the fact it had to have been Mustang to relieve his worries.

"I'm checking on my subordinate who's in the hospital with a possible concussion, and also happened to have disappeared last week." He met Ed's gaze, cold and hard, and yet... Ed could sense something else there. Concern? Curiosity? He couldn't place it. "Alphonse said he's only sure of one thing, but wouldn't tell me what it was. He said he'd promised not to tell anyone."

Ed snorted. "He'd have done better not to mention it at all."

"Except he wanted me to know." Silence. "But you don't." When still Ed kept stubbornly silent, Roy sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't want to go this far, but as your superior officer, I have leverage over your medical records. I can look at them regardless of your wishes." He noted the way Ed's hands clenched into fists. "I'd rather hear it from you than have to go that far behind your back."

"It's not behind my back if you go and say it like that," Ed muttered darkly.

"Semantics." Roy waved it away. "You're avoiding the question."

Ed scowled. "You didn't _ask _one."

"Then allow me to clarify what I want to know," Roy responded quickly, his voice tight in aggravation. Really, Ed could be so stubborn. He was just stalling, and it wasn't like the kid to beat around the bush. "What happened last week? What secret is Alphonse keeping for you?"

Ed looked away. "Just go look in my fucking records and betray my trust. I'm not telling you anything I don't want you to know."

Roy sighed. "Fine; I will. Until then, do you mind telling me how you're holding up?"

"Fine," Ed answered through gritted teeth.

"...I can see I've outstayed my welcome." Roy stood. "I'll ask your doctor when you can come back to work." He gathered his jacket and turned around to leave. Ed wanted to say something. He didn't know what. Something about what Roy said bothered him. Come back to work...

"I don't want to," he said, just for something to say so that Roy would pause and give him time to think about what he really wanted to say. But as it turned out, that was exactly what he wanted to say. So Roy paused, and he said it again. "I don't want to go back to work." Roy turned around and tried to catch Ed's eye, but Ed refused to meet his gaze, just like the rest of their conversation had went. It was infuriating, and so unlike Ed - but right then he was a little distracted.

"You don't want to come back," he stated flatly. He watched the pink rise in Ed's cheeks. Why? Was he embarrassed? Angry? It could be either, the way he clenched and unclenched his fists like that.

"Just... not soon. Or maybe ever. I don't know," he said, voice growing softer with each syllable.

Roy struggled for a minute with his anger and surprise and disappointment and confusion. Finally, he managed to ask, "Is there a particular reason for this? Recently you told me you were going to renew your contract in the fall." He didn't want to see Ed go, but if there was a legitimate reason, and if the blond really wanted it, he would let pretty much anything go. He had a feeling, though, that he wasn't going to get a straight answer from the kid.

He was right.

"I need time to think about it."

Roy couldn't argue with that. It was best to think through decisions like that thoroughly. He hesitated, though. Ed needed advice at a time like this, probably from someone who knew as much of the situation that Ed did, but he was on short supply of those kinds of people. "Then think about it. Just don't make any rash decisions." He paused. That wasn't quite enough... "Don't make a decision like this on your own. Talk it over with the people who matter to you." There. That was the best he could do. So he left Ed to his own thoughts and nightmares to bug the doctor about Ed's records.

He would have a hard time getting them.


	2. A Passionate Night

Dreams, Ed found quickly, were his way into his subconscious. Little good it did him, as he really had no desire at all to find his memories. He didn't know what drove him to say he wanted to quit, except that it was extremely true. He didn't want to go back, at least not anytime soon. He couldn't look ahead far enough to decide how he might feel about it in the future. However, sitting in the hospital without anything to do but ponder his predicament, it became clear that going back to work was not in his best interest.

Lounging around the hospital didn't last long, however, as he hadn't been in terrible shape when he'd arrived. The doctors had just needed to make sure he hadn't sustained a head injury that would cause problems. So Ed was free to go back to his apartment. His apartment turned out to be even less inviting than the hospital. He was alone, and he had no real desire to leave or seek company, although it would have served as a good distraction.

No, alone in his apartment left him with two things: his thoughts and his dreams. Much to his own despair, and against his wishes, he began to remember things. His first memory came back to him through a desperately vivid dream that he was unable to forget. Its only saving grace was how brief it was. He was running through the rain in the dark, through the city, ducking into an alley, clutching a knife wound to his gut. He stopped abruptly when a man stepped out from the shadows, filled with fierce determination and wild anger. And that was it.

After realizing he couldn't forget this memory, he tried his hardest to distract himself with books and alchemy, and pondering his future - but he couldn't stand the thought of putting effort into leaving his apartment. He called Al a few times over the next couple days, but nothing proved distracting enough to avoid his next realization.

The next revelation of his past came to him in a sudden flash as he was lying in bed, waiting to fall asleep. The radio was on, the news spoken through a male voice. It was Ed's only current connection to the outside world, and it was all he really cared to keep. It was rather boring, until...

"_We've just received word from an inside source in Investigations. Four bodies have been found in an apartment building, on South Side Street. Cause of death for each of the victims seems to be open head injuries. Their bodies are bruised and bloodied. In other words, it seems they were bludgeoned to death. The names of the victims have yet to be released-"_

Ed reached out and clicked it off, shaking. _-bludgeoned to death- _He squeezed his eyes, wishing he hadn't just remembered that. Blood all over his shaking hands. Unfocused eyes staring at the wall. The whimpering coming from his own throat as he smashed his fists into the man's head over and over and - he couldn't breathe - blood on his face - tears too - the fresh waves of anger and fear and - they needed to die -

He gasped and clutched his head, squeezing his eyes shut. He hadn't... The phone rang sudden and shrill and awful. Without thinking, he reached over and picked up the phone. He brought it to his ear, and found he couldn't hear anything past the ringing in his ears. What was he doing? He couldn't talk now.

Still, he found himself whispering, "Hello?"

His ears continued to ring.

"I - I can't hear you. Just... just give me a minute." He waited, and the ringing went on and on and on... And then it faded. He breathed a sigh of relief, his seized shoulders relaxing. His hand holding the phone shook horribly, and he couldn't get the images out of his mind, but he could hear. He cleared his throat. "Are you still there?"

Roy Mustang's voice rang back, clear as day. "I am. I wanted to check up on you for multiple reasons, but... it doesn't sound like you're doing too hot."

Ed blinked fiercely, trying to push aside the images of the dead men. "No, I..." He closed his eyes, bile rising up his throat. They just wouldn't go away. "I can't..." Whatever he was trying to express through his scattered thoughts was lost when his dinner shoved its way to the back of his throat. He dropped the phone and grabbed the garbage pail before emptying his stomach of its contents. He was unfortunately loud enough for Roy to hear him over the phone.

Even after his stomach emptied, he felt no better. He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and picked up the phone. "Still there?" He couldn't stop shaking...

"Ed, are you really okay?"

Ed took a deep, calming breath. Roy, saying his first name so solemnly... It was strangely grounding. He couldn't make himself lie this time. Not while he was so shaken. Not after Roy's voice had grounded him. He was in his own apartment, safe, on the phone. That's all he had to think about. "No, I'm not okay," he answered softly.

Roy hesitated. "I tried to get into your medical records."

Ed swallowed the bitter aftertaste of vomit. "Tried?"

"I gave up. I trust there's a reason you won't tell me."

The words flew off Ed's lips before he knew it. "I was raped." Silence followed the statement, his heart pounding in his ears. What was he saying to his boss? The man he'd had a crush on since he turned eighteen? How could he make Roy worry like that? How could he give Roy such ammunition? _What secrets will I spill next? _"Roy?" he whispered.

"I'm coming over."

"Right now?" Ed asked, eyebrows drawing together. It was really dark outside... He suddenly recalled running through the streets in the same kind of darkness, bleeding into his hand. "No!" he exclaimed suddenly, shooting to his feet, breath heavy. "Don't go alone. It's dark and late - I'm fine!"

"I'll be okay. You're obviously in no condition to be alone and-"

"Don't go out alone, dammit!" His chest was heaving with emotion now. Why wasn't he listening?

Roy paused again. "Would you feel better if we met halfway?"

A lump rose in Ed's throat. Leaving the apartment? With unfocused eyes and darkness greeting him in the streets? He fell back onto the bed. But Roy was coming over anyway. He couldn't just let him go out alone. "Out... outside the playground, then?"

"Sure. I'll see you in a few minutes."

Ed stood and slammed the phone on the cradle, heart pounding. When had he become so afraid of being alone outside at night? He was being pathetic. Either way, he had to get there as soon as possible - just to make sure Roy was safe. He threw his shoes on as quickly as he could and stomped out of his apartment without his jacket. He took off down the sidewalk at a brisk pace, thoughts racing, street lights flickering above him.

The cool air against his hot forehead felt nice. If only he could focus on it for a moment before a noise made him jump and glance behind him. For the life of him, he couldn't figure out why he was suddenly so frightened of walking alone after dark. Nothing had changed. Before he'd regained any of his memories, he'd just wanted to be alone, but for some reason, knowing he'd been hunted down at some point-

He shoved the thoughts down. It wasn't going to help his nerves and he had to do this. It turned out to be the best thing for him, leaving the apartment. Absolutely nothing of note happened as he walked, and slowly he began to relax. Nothing was going to happen. That lost week - it was a freak accident, unlikely to ever happen again.

Upon calming down, he found he really did enjoy the cool air and the chance to stretch his legs. It gave him a clarity of mind that he hadn't been able to attain while cooped up in his apartment. He was quick to realize that he needed to get back into the world and stop brooding. He had to do something - buy groceries or go to work or visit some friends. It also helped him realize he was absolutely _starving_, even though, or probably because, he'd thrown up only fifteen minutes ago.

Just as he considered looking for a restaurant that was still open at this hour, he reached the playground. It was empty, and dark - unsettling, as Ed had never taken a close look at it while it was not crawling with children. He stopped, though, and waited loyally by the entrance for Roy to show up.

He didn't have to wait long. Roy turned the corner not even half a minute later, shoulders back and relaxed as always. Ed didn't try to pretend he was feeling any better than he was. He was still a touch paranoid, still shaking slightly. Roy took in his apparent state of mind with calm acceptance. They didn't greet each other or so much as grunt. Their eyes met and they started to walk. They were perfectly silent, until -

"I guess you've remembered something."

Ed shoved his hands into his pockets. "Yeah. Something."

"Does it have to do with the... _thing _you mentioned over the phone?"

Ed paused. Did it? "Not directly."

Roy pressed his lips together. So Ed wasn't up for talking. "You don't look too good."

"I think I have a mild fever. I've been pretty warm since this morning."

"Nauseous?"

Ed scoffed. "Hardly."

"That sounded distinctly like vomiting over the phone."

That gave Ed pause. "Ever feel like throwing up when you think about Ishval?" A tense silence followed the question - all the answer Ed could have ever wanted. "It was like that." Roy grunted, and finally dared to look down at the blond. Ed had a slight sheen of sweat on his forehead, and his hair was braided, but it was falling out and haphazard, like he hadn't taken it out since he got out of the hospital. He smelled, too, like he hadn't bathed in a while. Dark circles sat under his eyes, too, like he hadn't been able to sleep well.

They reached Ed's front door and stepped inside. Ed closed the door behind them while Roy got a good look at the state of things. The half kitchen was untouched, but the other side of the room that counted as Ed's bedroom was a mess. In his hurry to leave, he'd knocked over the garbage pail containing his vomit, and his clothes were everywhere. His bed was partially stripped, and all manner of litter and garbage lay around.

"I'm starving," Ed said with a yawn. "Do you want anything?"

Roy met that golden gaze evenly. "What's going on, Ed?" Ed set his jaw, and the two of them stared at each other for an intense moment. Again, so unlike the blond, Ed broke the stare down first by turning around to search the fridge for food. Roy's eyes raked across Ed's back and buttocks, a pastime he would have been eager to revisit under any other circumstances, and was quick to realize Ed had lost weight, probably starting from the week he'd disappeared.

Ed spoke suddenly, throwing away old food. "I thought at first that I didn't want to know what happened the week I went missing. I knew I'd been raped, and - well, who would want to remember that?" He sniffed some leftover food and dumped it into the garbage. "But then I came back here, and I started to remember a few things. I wanted to stay in the dark, at first..." he trailed off, hands hanging limp at his sides.

"And now?" Roy pried quietly.

Ed shrugged lamely. "I don't know anymore. I still don't want to, but I don't think I have a choice."

"And you weren't curious at first?"

"I was initially," he conceded, resuming his rummaging through the fridge.

Roy stared for a while longer at Ed's back and figured the blond wasn't going to start talking anytime soon. At least, not without prompt. "Are you going to tell me what you remember, or are you going to make me ask?" Ed closed the fridge and dumped an armful of food onto the kitchen table. Some cheese, an assortment of random berries, and some sliced turkey. He pulled out two cups, filled both with water, and set one down for himself and Roy. Then he sat and started to slice the cheddar. Roy thought Ed wasn't going to answer at all, but he was proven wrong quickly.

"I remember running in the streets. I was bleeding, right here." He prodded one of his many injuries that had been treated in the hospital. "Then some guy sprang up out of nowhere. That was the first thing I remembered." Roy sat down, figuring this was going to be a long conversation. Ed shoved some grapes and strawberries into his mouth, and took a long swig of water. "The next thing I remember..." His hands went still again, and it took Roy a moment to realize his hands weren't as still as he thought they were. Ed was shaking. He clenched his hands into hard fists and pressed them firmly on the table.

Roy looked up to examine Ed's face, and was surprised to meet Ed's fiercely angry expression. "I was-" He stopped short and looked away, to the left. He worked his jaw, and Roy was quick to recognize his attempt at trying not to cry. The blond cleared his throat. "I was on my knees, and this guy was on the ground in front of me, and I was - I just kept punching him. I didn't - It wasn't like punching. I was _smashing _his head in, completely hysterical. He was dead but I couldn't stop." His voice faltered then, and he slouched against the back of his chair, closing his eyes. He was so damn tired...

Roy's soft voice invaded his miserable thoughts. "You think it might be related to the rape."

Ed shrugged listlessly. "Why else would I kill four people?" He sighed, finally opening his eyes to stare at his desser. "I really need to get out of this place more often. I was getting stir crazy without realizing it." He clenched a fist. "I also need to find out what happened. I didn't want to know before, but now I have to find out why I..."

"I think your earlier conjecture is most likely," Roy replied softly, "but you're right on all accounts. You should try to find out what happened. You should also get out more often. But you can't do any of that right now. It's late. You should get some rest, considering you're sick and in shock."

"And you?" Ed asked, lifting his head and meeting Roy's gaze again.

Roy allowed a shadow of a smirk onto his face. "I hope you don't mind sharing a bed. I don't exactly feel comfortable leaving you alone right now." Ed nodded slowly and sat up so he could finish eating. He devoured everything in a matter of minutes, while Roy disposed of the vomit that had spilled, and otherwise picked up around the apartment. Once they were both satisfied, Ed crawled into bed with a yawn, and Roy climbed in after him. Ed was quick to fall asleep, but Roy had a hard time, on account of all of Ed's kicking.

At some point, Ed's troublesome leg came to rest on Roy's thigh. Roy figured it was for the best, considering how Ed settled down (and stopped kicking him), so he relaxed and tried to fall asleep. But then Ed's hand rested on his chest, and suddenly the blond was pressed uncomfortably close to his side. Well "uncomfortable" was relative. Uncomfortable for a subordinate and his superior - but sleeping in the same bed at all had signified that they were something closer. Still, Roy wanted to enjoy Ed's warmth, but he kept his thoughts and hands to himself, which was ultimately what made it uncomfortable. He didn't usually stick this close to people without ulterior motives.

Motives, which Ed seemed to be egging on, what with the way he rubbed his metal leg, so gently into his crotch... Oh, he was wide awake now, and so was his groin. He shifted, really uncomfortable now in the confines of his pants, but there wasn't much he could do unless he wanted to wake Ed up and sleep elsewhere - home or on the floor... He closed his eyes and mentally begged for mercy when he felt Ed press his own hardened member against Roy's thigh. This couldn't be happening, not now, not right after he learned Ed had been...

How to dissolve this situation? His patience was only exacerbated when Ed started _rubbing_ against his thigh, mumbling to himself in his sleep. "Ed," Roy whispered, really not wanting the blond to wake to this situation, but finding no choice. "Ed, what are you doing? Stop it."

Ed's eyebrows furrowed sleepily. "Okay..."

Roy's heart thumped loudly in his ears. Ed just... obeyed? Would Ed do anything he asked? He closed his eyes, telling himself to go to sleep before he decided to do something rash, but it was futile, and he found himself staring at Ed's unhappy sleeping face. As long as Ed didn't wake up... "You should just jerk off to relieve yourself."

Ed's expression relaxed and mumbled, "Watch me..."

Roy clenched a fist. "Excuse me?"

"Watch me do it..."

Oh, he wanted to. "Just do it, okay?" That way, whether or not Roy watched, Ed would stop humping him in his sleep and Roy could finally relax. He could will away his erection as long as Ed wasn't sitting there egging it on unintentionally. He gently pushed Ed onto his back, while the blond reached down his pants and started to pump. Roy sighed; the blond was still asleep, after all. "Just so you don't come in your pants." He unbuttoned Ed's pants and pulled the erection out to the cool evening air. He'd told himself that he wouldn't look, but...

His eyes strayed over to Ed's hands, which slowly stroked a very handsome erection. Roy looked away, and closed his eyes. The image was burned into his mind, so very sexy... He'd had dreams five times more exotic than this about Ed, but damn it if he wasn't ready to jump Ed any second now. He glanced over, and realized that at Ed's pace, he'd never really come. He was asleep; how had Roy expected him to be able to relieve himself?

"I'm not taking advantage of this situation," he whispered, swatting Ed's hands aside and grabbing the base of his erection. "I'm just helping Ed out so I can go to sleep. If I so happen to have a boner myself, so be it, but my desire for Ed has nothing to do with the fact I'm jerking him off right now. Nope, nothing at all." He squeezed and set a fast pace, the sooner to get it over with. His own member ached in appreciation for the sight of the weeping erection, wrapped no nicely in Roy's fingers.

His heart froze suddenly when Ed's metal hand grabbed his wrist, quick and firm. He'd been caught. How would Ed react? Careful not to look like a deer caught in headlights, he turned a level gaze to Ed's squinted golden eyes. He still seemed half asleep. "Mustang?" he murmured. Roy's heart hammered with bruising force against his ribcage, or so it felt, and awaited Ed's verdict. The metal hand lessened on his wrist, and Ed closed his eyes again, leaving Roy's hand where it was. Roy tried to swallow, but his throat was dry.

"I heard you talking in my dream. Was that actually you?"

"Probably. What did I say?"

Ed looked down at Roy, eyes flashing. "That you want me but it has nothing to do with touching me."

Roy considered his options carefully - but threw them out the window. He was in deep enough shit as it was. "Yeah, that was me." Ed's eyes raked over Roy's body, easily spotting the tent in Roy's pants. "If this makes things between us awkward-"

"No," Ed whispered, meeting Roy's gaze. "Let me screw you." He wasn't sure why he said it. Maybe he was feeling particularly sadistic and felt like causing someone pain, or maybe the thought of making Roy submit to him was arousing, or maybe it was as simple as wanting to fuck at all to relieve himself. He saw the consideration in Roy's expression - he was honestly thinking about it. That was enough to make Ed's breath catch. Fucking Roy Mustang. _The _Roy Mustang.

"At this point, if we were to have sex, I'd have to concede with your request. I don't want you to remember anything unpleasant while I'm screwing you." Roy gave Ed one last squeeze. "Fine." He didn't waste any time, immediately pulling down his pants and revealing his own aching need. Ed's eyes raked over Roy's entire pale countenance, finally resting on Roy's face. "Do you know what you're doing?"

"No," Ed replied easily, but as he spoke, he reached over Roy and into the nightstand where he pulled out oil for his automail, and applied it to his fingers. He didn't wait for permission or understanding before shoving two fingers up Roy's ass and wiggling them around. To keep himself busy, while Ed stretched and scissored, Roy grabbed his own dick, finally giving it the attention it had been begging for since Ed rested his leg in Roy's lap. Ed's fingers curled and Roy saw spots, pleasure racing through his groin.

Ed looked up sharply when Roy gasped, and allowed himself a small grin. He tried it again, and watched Roy's hand tense around his member, then met Roy's gaze. Roy smirked at him, something that had always pissed Ed off before - but now, in this new context, it made Ed's dick twitch. Eager to get to it, Ed applied the oil to his own dick, and positioned himself. He met Roy's gaze, and again didn't wait for any kind of "okay" or signal before plunging right in. He grabbed Roy's hips tightly, surprised at just how _tight_ and _hot _it was. A string of expletives rolled off his tongue, causing Roy to chuckle. He sent the man a glare, and thrust in further.

Roy didn't complain, but his smirk fell quickly. It was strange for Ed, to see pain contort Roy's face, but simultaneously notice Roy's hand increase its pace. Shaking from the excitement and pleasure, Ed pulled back and plunged back in, setting a quick pace. Roy's hand matched it easily enough, while Ed's hands left big purple bruises on Roy's pale hips. Ed groaned as sweat formed on his brow, and he shoved in harder and faster - just to watch the pain and pleasure on Roy's face.

Roy smirked at him at some point. "Can't go any faster?" he taunted.

Ed growled, and slammed in harder and quicker. Roy grunted, smirk falling again, and it was then that Ed realized he'd taken the bait. "Sicko," he panted. "You _like _being in pain?" The idea sent excited shivers down his spine. He could be as rough as he wanted.

Roy's smirk returned, a little weaker than before. "It adds an interesting dynamic to all the sensations." Despite Ed's earlier tone, he could feel the excitement rolling off the blond, and his smirk felt a little stronger. Ed shoved in, harder than he'd dared before, and Roy closed his eyes in response. Ed leaned over, careful to keep up the pace, breath hot on Roy's neck, and bit down. Oh, how he'd wanted to taste Roy's skin before... Salty from the sweat, smelled husky like a man with the hint of smokey wood. As his pleasure mounted, he bit down harder, stifling his moans, and keeping he neighbors unaware of their activity.

Ed was the first to give, releasing after a particularly deep thrust. His whole body went slack, although he managed to keep from collapsing completely on top of Roy. He drew away, and slid out of the man, admiring his handiwork. Roy was still achingly hard, and Ed's teeth had drawn a little blood, never mind the hickey it left behind. He wondered then if he should help Roy finish, or if he should just lay down and go to sleep. He was incredibly tired...

"Go ahead and sleep," Roy told him, working up to his climax. So Ed shrugged and lay down, closing his eyes. It was so nice to relax again... Except he was painfully aware of the man behind him, jerking off. Every shift of the sheets, every slight breath that escaped Roy's lips, he heard. Eternity stretched before him while he waited for Roy to finally release his load - honestly, how long could he keep this up - but it never seemed to come. So he flipped over and watched Roy, who was tense from head to toe.

"It helps if you relax."

"Shut up."

"No, really. Just relax."

"I _know _how to come, Edward."

"Then what's taking so long?"

Roy sent him a withering glare. "Maybe I'm a little distracted."

"Well, I'm having trouble sleeping, so is there a way I can move this process along?"

Roy's hand stopped altogether, expression mildly surprised. "I can use the bathroom if you're having trouble-"

Ed interrupted, repeating himself. "Is there a way I can move this process along?"

Roy blinked, sluggish thoughts trying to catch up to the situation. He was quick to think in the clarity of lust and proximity, but his lack of sleep was catching up with him, and he was in a lot of pain now, too. How could Ed help him? A smirk slowly crawled up his face. "Why don't you try to help, doing whatever you think will turn me on? I'm curious to see what you think."

Ed thought about it briefly, and decided to rise to the challenge. He scooted closer to the man, and took his excited member, stroking tantalizingly slow. Roy liked women - how did women act in bed? Ed had no idea, so he decided to wing it. He licked Roy's ear, and imitated a moan. He didn't moan himself while he was in bed - shouting and cursing were more his style - but women moaned, right? He could also talk dirty, but what would Roy appreciate? Begging? Well, Ed refused to do that on principle, but...

"Shit Roy," he breathed into his ear, "I want to fuck you so badly." His own dick twitched. Yeah, he did. "Spread your legs for me like a bitch." Roy chuckled, making Ed frown. "Yeah, I didn't think that would work," he mumbled, setting his mind back onto the task of finding a new avenue to tempt Roy.

"Your tongue has a lot more uses than _talking_, Ed." He paused. "Whoops, was that a hint?"

Ed growled angrily. "Go fuck yourself."

"See, I was trying to do that earlier but you-" Roy was cut off when Ed slammed their mouths together. It wasn't just their lips. He immediately shoved his tongue down Roy's throat, in an attempt to shut the man up. At least, that's what he told himself. He lost himself quickly in the kiss, eyes closed, trying to explore every bit of Roy's mouth, letting Roy suck on his tongue. Oh, if Roy would just suck on something else...

Before he knew it, he'd forgotten about needing Roy to come, and his flesh hand explored Roy's chest and belly, feeling the muscle and soft skin. Roy hadn't forgotten about his aching member though, and he was painfully aware of the one Ed was beginning to sport. This couldn't go on all night. He had work in the morning, and he was already going to be in bad shape with so little sleep and with such a sore ass. He wasn't even drunk! How could he have a crazy, passionate night like this? He wasn't a teenager anymore.

Still, he couldn't deny that the idea of staying up all night with Ed sounded like a blast. He prodded Ed's tongue and explored Ed's mouth in turn, loving the taste and the wetness. He was surprised when Ed suddenly broke the kiss, and was even more surprised to find Ed straddling him. When had that happened?

"I was thinking," Ed said breathlessly, hard eyes meeting Roy's, "that I want to remember everything that happened. Every detail." Roy's mind suddenly derailed. Wait. What? He opened his mouth to ask for clarification, but it was a stupid question, so he didn't complain when Ed cut him off. "I want you to screw me, too. It might help me remember something."

At first, Roy was speechless. But then, "Are you sure you aren't just saying that so we can have sex again?"

Ed grinned. "That's a plus, but I really do want to remember."

"But in the middle of having sex?"

"What else is going to trigger it? It's got to happen sooner or later, and I'd rather it happened sooner. Besides, I don't really want to have sex with anyone but you -" his cheeks flared red all of a sudden "- and I don't know when I'll get another chance. I want to get everything out of this that I can."

Roy's mind reeled. It was a lot to take in, when he was so distracted and tired. Ed was truly attracted to him. More than that, he was the _only _person Ed was interested in. And then there was his abrupt declaration that he wanted to try to remember something obviously traumatizing. But something else echoed in his head. _I don't know when I'll get another chance_. Did he want this to happen again? Ed probably did. Could he afford it? Ed's contract was terminating in the fall, but what would others think of their age difference? Why hadn't he considered all of this before trying to jerk Ed off?

Even if he decided that he _wanted _something more permanent with Ed, he couldn't promise that he could pull it off. So he caved in. "Okay. Where did you put the oil?" Ed pulled it out and handed it to him.

"I think, because of my injuries, that I was lying face down," he said, lying down, and sticking his ass up in the air. He smirked at Roy, who watched with very conflicting emotions. He wanted to fuck Ed, so badly, and this didn't seem like the worst position - but did he really want Ed to associate him with any memories that he might regain? Ed must have seen the reluctance in Roy's face. "There's no guarantee I'll remember anything anyway, so just pretend you never heard any of that."

Roy steeled himself, and allowed himself to admire Ed's sexy ass stuck in the air. He lubed up his fingers and slipped them inside. Even if he hadn't heard about Ed's experiences, he would have been worried about hurting him, so he kept a careful eye on Ed's expression. Ed became irritated quickly at how slowly Roy went, so Roy tried to pick up the pace and oiled up his erection, which was still going strong despite everything. It was expecting too much.

He knelt and positioned himself, grabbing Ed's hips, and sank in slowly, careful to pause and let Ed adjust when it was necessary. Ed groaned miserably. "Come on, bastard, fuck me!" He impatiently impaled himself further, tight and hot and sexy. Roy's breath caught, but he gathered his wits quickly, and started thrusting in and out, slow and sweet. He leaned over and kissed Ed's back, emotions all astir. He'd always had a soft spot for Ed, always felt affectionate despite his demeanor. It hadn't turned sexual until Ed got older, but now he was purposely forcing him to remember something painful. He could at least take the edge off of everything.

Ed was surprised at the butterfly kisses across his back, and the gentle hand on his hip, the other one on his dick. He'd never imagined Roy to be a "gentle" person, but this... It was more than sexual, carnal - it was meaningful, sensual. Ed closed his eyes tightly. He'd experienced love enough times to recognize it. And damnit if he didn't love Roy back. But how could he show it?

As Ed rolled his hips in and out with every sweet sensation, a fierce sense of protectiveness overwhelmed Roy. Ed had gone through a lot, and he never wanted the blond to suffer again. Never wanted another human being to lay a hand on that pretty blond head. He could show it only through an urgent thrust, hand squeezing around Ed's member. He hit that spot that made Ed see stars. It was obvious when Ed muttered quietly, "Fuck, Roy," and his member throbbed in Roy's hand. Ed swallowed, aroused and moved all at once. What could he do? What could he say?

Roy hit that spot once more, surprising him again. "Shit." Then Roy hit it again, and again, sending waves and waves of pure pleasure one right after another, like the curses that lifted from his lips. Just as he thought he couldn't take it, Roy squeezed his member, and he cried out quietly, releasing into Roy's waiting hand. His whole body shook with exhaustion and pleasure, but even as his high wore off Roy continued to thrust into him -

And suddenly, asphalt was beneath him. His ass was in the air, blood dripping in his eyes. Someone was slamming into his ass over and over, pain assaulting him. He could hear the jeers of the other three, and his hands were handcuffed away from each other. He was aching everywhere - inside, outside, on his head, from his bleeding stomach, his stinging back.

"Come on, man, let me have a turn!"

A grunt from behind him. "His ass is mine. Fuck his mouth."

"And let him bite me?"

Ed grinned savagely. Damn straight, bitch.

"Then give him another hit."

"It's not fun when he's docile. Just give me a turn."

A low chuckle and a groan. He felt the man come, filling him up and spilling out. "Go ahead. Your turn."

Ed gasped, heart pounding, staring at the darkness, feeling the blankets beneath him. He was shaking, and he wasn't filled with semen. He wasn't filled with anything, even though he was sore on the inside. He blinked a few times, and found Roy watching him worriedly. He struggled to regain his breath and control of his shaking limbs, but only managed to lay down on his side.

"Are you okay?" Roy asked quietly.

Ed shuddered. "Fine. I just... Let's go to sleep."

Roy hesitated. "Alright. Give me a minute." Ed watched Roy stand up, and grimaced when he saw Roy still hadn't relieved himself. The older of the two went into the bathroom, and Ed stood up to change the sheets and regain some semblance of control over his body. By the time Roy got back, the bed was made, and Ed was lying on his back, pants back on, staring thoughtfully up at the ceiling. Roy pulled on his own pants and climbed back in.

"I have work in the morning," he said, "Can you set an alarm?"

Ed grunted. "On the nightstand." Roy fiddled with the buttons for a few minutes and then set the clock back down. He lay down, finally able to relax. Then Ed asked, "Why didn't you just come while you were fucking me? I did it to you."

Roy tried valiantly to suppress a yawn, but didn't succeed. "Because you were acting weird. I assumed you were having a flashback and stopped. But it's all good now. I'm so tired." He yawned again and his eyes fluttered closed without much more prompt. Ed frowned, but decided not to pursue the subject. Roy was clearly too tired to have a conversation.

"Will we talk later about all of this?" he asked, just to make sure.

Roy nodded and murmured, "Of course."


	3. Investigating

Ed was the first to wake the next morning at the sound of the alarm, but Roy was quick to follow. As soon as the dark haired man woke, though, he flung the blankets aside and practically ran into the shower. Ed shuffled slowly out of bed, sleepily, and started to throw together a random assortment of food that sounded tasty. Maybe Roy would eat with him.

That hope was squashed when a loud, reverberating, "Fuck!" came from the bathroom. Roy burst out of the steamy room in a hurry, pulling on clothes he'd taken off last night, and otherwise gathering his things. Before Ed got a chance to ask, Roy explained, "I didn't bring my uniform here because I wasn't expecting to stay. I have to run back to my place and then to work." He ran a hand through his hair, checked the time, cursed, and pulled on his shoes.

Ed sat down to eat. "Okay. We'll be able to talk later, though, right?"

Roy stood and pulled on his jacket. "Huh? Oh, yeah, Hawkeye will probably make me call you to find out when you intend on coming back to work, so you'll hear from me." He threw the door open, and was about to rush outside, when Ed addressed him, very quietly.

"See ya later, Roy."

Roy looked back at him, eyes strangely calculating and affectionate all at once.

"You'll hear from me. I promise." And the door closed behind him, leaving an apartment that seemed too still after his flurry of activity.

At work, Roy was none too specific about his explanations as to why he was late, and garnered no sympathetic responses. He didn't specify where he'd went last night, who he'd been with, or even what gender or manner of person he had slept with. The office only knew that he'd stayed up screwing someone, and that's why he was late. They had no idea of his aches and pains, the emotional rollercoaster he'd just gotten off, or the anticipation he had for seeing Ed again.

No, Hawkeye couldn't have cared less, and Havoc was jealous, and Breda just liked to poke fun at him. All morning, he received playful taunts about the bite/hickey Ed had given him, and he felt like he'd never hear the end of Havoc's girlfriend woes. He could have kissed Hawkeye when she told him sharply, "Go make that call to Edward. Your personal life doesn't take precedence over your job to take care of him."

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously when Roy seemed glad to make a phonecall to the fiery blond, and stayed in his office for the call. So the phone rang twice before Ed picked up with a sleepy, "Mmm'ello?"

Roy suppressed a smile. "Good morning, Fullmetal. Just waking up?"

"Hmm... yeah. We had a pretty late night so I went back to bed."

"Lucky you," Roy murmured, and a look at Hawkeye told him to stop making small talk. "I'm calling to ask how you've been, and when you think you might be able to come back. The doctor said to wait until you're up for it."

"I didn't know last night and I don't know now."

Roy hesitated, frowning slightly. Was Ed... irritated? "Are you okay?"

Ed huffed. "You should know. I _hurt_."

Roy's lip twitched. "You're not the only one. I was considerably-" he cut off, glancing at Hawkeye.

"What? Gentler? Well you seemed to like it last night. Don't complain now."

"I'm not complaining," he replied, noting the look of curiosity on Hawkeye's face. "Now isn't really the time for this discussion, though." _Please catch my drift and don't get mad at me... Hawkeye is standing right there... _

"Yeah, I guess. Is Hawkeye pointing her gun at you yet?"

Roy couldn't stop grinning this time. "Her finger's itching, but I think I'm safe." Ed chuckled, and Roy found he really needed to get back on topic. "So you're not sure when you want to come back. Do you think it'll be before or after you remember everything?" Hawkeye raised both eyebrows; she'd heard from Al that Ed didn't want to remember.

"Before. There's no guarantee I'll ever remember anything, so I shouldn't postpone work for that. I'm really just wondering if I should... I want to decide what to do in the fall before I come back." Roy's smile fell. The fall... His contract? "And also figure out what's going on between the two of us. Can't go into the office with all that sexual tension, can I?"

"You could," Roy contended slowly, "but it would be very distracting. Do you want to have a conversation about the fall, whenever we get to talk about-" He stopped, frowned at Hawkeye, wondering why she hadn't left yet, and continued, "Whenever we get to talk about the other stuff on your mind."

"We can talk about my contract right now but I haven't made a decision."

"Tell me what you're thinking, then."

"There's not much to say. I'm sure that I'll bounce back from this last incident, but if you and I have a thing... I can't really keep working under you, can I? And I've been getting tired of running all these pointless missions anyway. I told you before I disappeared that I wanted to renew my contract, but that's just because I don't know what else I'd do with myself. I mean, can you picture me without all those alchemical texts to reference, or not running around the country half the time?"

"That doesn't seem like you, true. You could sign a contract with Interrogations."

"I'd still be a field agent?"

"Depends on who you design the contract with. But they're designed differently than Investigations, so you might have to spend more time in Central than you would have working under me."

"That doesn't sound too bad. Of course, this is all assuming you and I are a thing."

Roy opened his mouth to confirm it, but again realized Hawkeye was there. "There are a few things to iron out, but that seems to be the case. Are you sure you want to stay with the military at all, actually?" He just had to make sure.

Ed snorted. "Nothing better is out there."

"You could freelance; everyone knows your name."

"Not enough action."

"You never know."

"Do _you _want me to leave the military?"

That question halted all of Roy's gears. Did he want Ed to leave? No; he wanted Ed close by. Nor did he want Ed to see death or war, but Ed wouldn't have liked to be protected like that. But if war broke out, would it be better to have Ed beside him or to leave Ed at home? Ed would hate staying, but he would hate going, too. It wasn't likely that they were going to war anytime soon anyway. It was all conjecture. But when Roy finally became Fuhrer, how would he look dating a subordinate? How close was he to attaining that goal?

"I don't know," he answered honestly. He hated how uncertain everything was.

A pause. "Well, I want to stay."

"Then stay."

"But it'll cause problems if I'm your subordinate."

"So transfer."

"Do I have to wait for my contract to end?"

"No, but the paperwork will take a while."

"So get to it."

"You haven't sent in the request."

"This is my request. Transfer me."

"There's a form you need to fill-"

"Then I'll come back to work on Monday and fill it out."

Roy raised both eyebrows. "You'll come back Monday. You'll be okay?"

"As okay as I can be."

"So what will you do to try to remember everything?"

"... I'll come back tomorrow."

Roy frowned. "Tomorrow is quite different from Monday."

"Did you get the case on the four men bludgeoned to death?"

"How did you know-?"

"I want to see that case."

Understanding dawned on his face. "You don't think..."

"It was me? Probably."

"All the reason for me to keep you _off _the case."

"It's my only clue to finding out what happened, Mustang."

Roy pinched the bridge of his nose. "I can't believe I'm giving in to this."

"Thanks, bastard."

"Don't tamper with evidence, got it?"

"When have I ever tampered with evidence?"

"There's a first time for everything."

"...Roy?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you think will happen once everyone knows I... murdered those men?"

Roy sighed. "Circumstances will be taken into account."

"But if I don't remember everything?"

"You remember enough to get you off the hook. Just try to get your memory back."

"Do you think I'll ever forgive myself?"

Roy closed his eyes. His fists clenched. He should have seen this coming. Ed's reverence for life. How he'd always refused to kill. Suddenly finding out he was a murderer, of course Ed would feel guilty. "That's up to you, Ed, but I wouldn't cling to guilt. I don't think you had much of a choice."

"Yeah... we'll see."

"I'll talk to you later."

"Tonight?"

"Sounds like a plan." And he hung up. He didn't look up at Hawkeye and her curious expression. He simply flipped through his papers, looking for a copy of the transfer request... "He's coming back to work tomorrow and I'm putting him on the quadruple homicide."

"Sir, did you sleep with Edward?"

Roy raised both eyebrows and looked up at her. "What kind of question is that?"

Hawkeye met his gaze, hard and unforgiving. "A question that deserves a straight answer." Roy stared at her for a long, long moment, considering everything he could say. She searched his eyes for an answer, but she didn't need to. His silence was answer enough. "All I can ask is to not let it interfere with your judgment. Why are you putting Edward on the quadruple case? It sounded like he could be in trouble with law enforcement."

"I put him on the case because he's capable and he requested it."

"Is he in trouble with law enforcement?"

Roy turned to his paperwork. "Not yet."

By the time Roy picked up his pen and started scribbling, Ed was dressed and pulling on his boots. If he was going to go back to work the next day, he had to stop by a couple places and make a phone call. Most important was grocery shopping, but it was second on his list of things to do. First was to think back as hard as he could to remember the street he'd been running on after he got stabbed in the stomach. It seemed like his earliest memory of the events.

After a lot of thinking, wandering around, guessing, and finally realization, he found the street. It seemed normal, people walking about and nothing really out of place. He found the alley he had tried to run into, where he'd been cornered, but it was just dismal, dank, and empty, except for a few trash bins and a hissing cat. Just another alley in the city. He found a dried pool of blood further in, and it trailed out to the mouth of the alley, but disappeared on the sidewalk from so many days of use and corrosion.

He found no other clues in the alley, and then went grocery shopping. He ate quickly, and left to go to the library. Sheska was surprised to see him, but was eager to help when he asked if he could get an assortment of maps of the city. Then he found a table to sit at, and studied the maps, trying to find out where a person could be held without notice, but it didn't prove fruitful, so he ended up going home, irritated that he hadn't found any clues.

So he ate again and called Al.

Al picked up cheerfully, "Alphonse speaking."

Ed grinned despite himself, lying down. "Glad to hear you're well."

"Oh, brother! How are you?"

"Better than you'd think," Ed replied, examining his nail-less fingers. How had they been removed? "I just thought I should fill you in on recent events. You have to promise not to tell anyone, though, okay?"

Al hesitated. "Okay, I won't tell."

Ed's grin widened. Hearing it like that made it sound like a child's secret. "I slept with Mustang last night." He winced at the silence that rang in his ears. Really, it wasn't _that _shocking. Surely Al knew about his crush...

"Wow, brother. Good for you, I guess. This doesn't have anything to do with...?"

"It has everything to do with my disappearance," he answered hotly, grin gone. "I love the bastard to death, but this never would have happened if I hadn't disappeared. It helped me remember some things. Now I have to find out what else went on."

"What do you remember?"

Ed grimaced. "You don't want to know, Al. But I'll tell you once I've got it all figured out."

"Does Mustang know everything you do?"

Why was that relevant? "Not everything, but enough."

Al sighed. "Alright. Just don't get into trouble."

Ed grinned again. "What do you mean? I'm a master at avoiding trouble."

Al snorted. "Yeah, okay. When are you going back to work?"

"Tomorrow."

"Wow, that's pretty soon."

"It's almost been two weeks, and I'm not getting anything done inside."

"Okay. Well, you know where to reach me if you need help."

"Yep."

"I have to go. See ya soon."

"Later." Ed hung up, wondering if he should have said more. He spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning up and working out, for lack of anything better to do. It felt good after spending so much time in bed.

When Roy finally showed up at Ed's house that afternoon, he was exhausted. For obvious reasons, but also because Hawkeye was ruthless when he wouldn't tell her everything, on top of being elusive about sleeping with Ed. He could sympathize with her, but she must have had a hard time sympathizing in return, since she didn't understand all the circumstances. In any case, she also happened to be angry that he was late, and Roy wanted to say he'd never had a harder day at work, although it would have been a lie.

So when he knocked on Ed's door and got no response three times in a row, he was a little worried. But fourth time seemed to be the charm and Ed answered quickly, towel wrapped around his waist and hair dripping. "Sorry," he apologized, allowing Roy to step inside.

Roy couldn't help himself. "It's quite alright. You made up for it by answering the door in that outfit. Or lack thereof."

Ed grinned. "You won't believe how good I feel today."

Roy collapsed in a kitchen chair with a huff. "Really?"

Ed plopped onto the matching chair. "I didn't think getting laid did that to ya."

"It probably helped that you found a sense of direction again."

Ed snorted. "Direction, my ass. I have no clues."

Roy sighed. "I don't want to cut this short or force a conversation, but I'm tired and I'd like to go home."

Ed shrugged. "Alright. So you stopped by to talk about our relationship."

"Basically. We can't be open about it until you transfer."

"Roger."

Roy narrowed his eyes. "Are you taking me seriously?"

Ed raised his eyebrows. "Are you taking _me _seriously? You think I don't know that already?" Roy hummed, conceding to Ed's point. He was saying something quite obvious. "I'm more concerned about what the hell we're hiding in the first place. What is this? Are you my boyfriend? Will you still sleep around? How long do you intend to keep sleeping with me?"

Roy raised both eyebrows. "That's a lot of questions. I guess I'm your boyfriend, so no, I would only sleep with you. And right now I'm not thinking too far into the future, but I don't want to break up anytime soon. I'm not exactly asking you to marry me, either." He saw Ed relax visibly; apparently, that was the answer he'd been hoping for. "Is that all?" Ed shrugged, no more questions in mind. "Okay. There was another thing I wanted to talk about."

Ed perked up. "Like what?"

Roy pulled out the case file from his briefcase and slapped it onto the table. "I don't know why, but I thought I should give this to you as soon as possible." Ed opened the folder, flipping through the uninteresting information. "You'll find their address, where they were murdered, in there. Also, a few interviews from people who knew them well."

Ed's eyes flickered over a sheet. "Didn't find any kind of drugs?"

Roy frowned. "No, but we haven't had reason to look for any. One of them had a storage unit we haven't had reason to rifle through. Oh, and I have the bodies stored at the morgue, if you care." He didn't receive an immediate response.

Ed paused as he passed over one of the interviews. "They hung out around some abandoned warehouses? That doesn't strike anyone as suspicious?" Roy shrugged; they were kids, as well as victims, to those who had investigated initially. It had been brushed off. "Around West Greene Avenue..." Ed's golden eyebrows furrowed. "There's a lot of asphalt around there."

Roy wondered what that had to do with anything. "I believe so."

"Are there any warehouses that used the asphalt for the floor?"

"A couple. I can get the information to you in the morning."

"And get me the keys to the storage unit."

Was this really for the best? Roy had no idea. "Anything else?"

Ed closed the folder. "That's it for now." He looked up, hardened expression melting into a grin. "Wanna take a walk?" Roy searched Ed's eyes for a long minute. He was exhausted, but the pure energy rolling off of Ed made him worry, and woke him up a little himself. He didn't want Ed to get into trouble, anyway, and he had no idea what the blond had in mind. He might as well go.

"Sure. When we're done, do you want to stop by my place for some coffee?"

Ed shot to his feet. "Maybe; we should see how I feel after we hit the morgue."

They took off down the street several minutes later, and the first thing Roy noticed was that they were going to wrong direction. "I thought you said we were hitting the morgue," he reminded Ed.

"We will. We should check out the apartment first, though. It's closer."

Concern etched onto Roy's face. "Why don't you wait until tomorrow?"

Ed clenched a metal fist, his gaze straight ahead. "I can't make myself wait." Roy accepted the explanation, and they walked in silence until they showed up at the apartment building. They were allowed inside the apartment with a flash of their pocket watches. Ed didn't recognize anything in the living room. Pale carpet, nice furnishings. But a growing sense of dread was settling in his stomach.

He took a good look at the ground, ceiling, couch, but nothing stirred except his sense of danger and trepidation. He bypassed the kitchen altogether, and glanced into the bathroom, but nothing struck him. "They were found in the bedroom," Roy told him, but Ed knew that already. He could remember the first man he'd killed lying on it, the stench of dead, sex, and sweat all over the sheets.

He braced himself and opened the door. It was like a tsunami, except it happened without warning and with no time for him to react. Memories bombarded him, ran through him, burst through the floodgates. Insurmountable anger and pain and humiliation, the feel of hands on him and the faces of his captors blurred as the scent of chloroform filled his nose. He couldn't breathe, couldn't move-

"Ed! Woah, hold on there. Are you okay? Can you hear me?"

Ed gulped for air, blinking furiously, unable to hear Roy through the ringing in his ears. He could see lips moving, forming words, and he knew he should respond, but he couldn't get enough air in his lungs, and he simply couldn't hear anything past the ringing. The concern on Roy's face didn't pass, not as he continued to talk, or as the ringing dissipated, or as Ed regained his breath. "Can you stand?"

Ed sat up, and glanced around. They were still in the victims' apartment, in the doorway to the bedroom. "Did I fall?" he asked, although it was a stupid question. Obviously he had. Roy confirmed his suspicion, and he turned again to the bedroom. Roy considered stopping the blond, but Ed walked into the bedroom without hesitation - and without collapsing, so he let it go.

Ed's eyes raked over the room. Nothing had changed, as far as he could tell, except for the bodies. The nightstand was clear, from when he knocked the lamp and clock to the floor. The sheets on the bed were still stained in blood and semen. The carpet was stained in blood, too. He sighed, and turned back to the exit. "I'm done here. Let's go see the bodies."

That endeavor, as it turned out, was useless, except that Ed recognized each of them as someone who had onced injured him. Roy brought him home, to Roy's home, for some coffee, but it wasn't how Roy imagined Ed's first visit would be. Not so tense and silent. Not sitting in the kitchen, clutching a cup of coffee tightly, staring off into space, sifting through lost memories.

Finally, Roy couldn't refrain from asking. "What did you remember?"

"A lot of emotions. It's pretty blurry, and disjointed. There are random things - the crack of a whip -" he thought of his stinging back "- the smell of chloroform. But the most coherent thing I remember... I woke up in that bed. Nothing seemed right, like the world... didn't seem real. And I was so angry. One of them had a needle, so I freaked out. I broke his arm, and -" he stopped abruptly. "Well, I killed them, and ran out into the street." He sighed. "Do you know if I was tested for drugs when I got into the hospital?"

Roy, who had been sipping his coffee, placed it down on the table. "Yeah. The doctor said you had heavy sedatives in your blood, probably why you felt like 'the world wasn't real.' Probably also why you didn't feel anything, even though you were bleeding and injured when you ran away." Ed grunted, and continued to stare off into space, sifting through the more fragmented memories, hoping for more clues.

"Look, Ed," Roy said, "It's late. I'm tired; you seem exhausted. Why don't we-"

"I was drugged, and trying to protect myself. Is that reason enough to murder?"

Roy watched Ed's face, torn between anger and sympathy. Edward, so mature and simultaneously pure, finally tainted by the world. How could Ed be selfish enough to say those things? But how could he not think them? He took a deep breath. "I was going to wait a long time before asking this question, but I need to make a point. Do you love me, Edward?"

Ed's head jerked up and he stared wide-eyed at Roy. "Wha - I mean... yes, but-"

"Even though I exterminated probably two fifths of an entire race?" Ed's shoulders dropped. "While sober, and simply because I'd been told to? Even though they weren't a threat? Even though I had no good reason? You still love me after all of that?" Ed looked away and nodded minutely. "Do you think I should wallow in my guilt for the rest of my life and let it ruin me?"

"Of course not-"

"So what makes you any different, aside from the fact that you have acceptable reasons for doing what you did?" Ed had no answer to that, looking down at his cup of coffee. Roy ran a hand through his hair. "I've been through this. There's no way someone else can make you feel better; you have to get over it yourself. But right now isn't time for discussing something like that. Right now you and I both need to sleep."

Ed nodded slowly. Roy jumped when someone knocked on his front door, sharp and loud. He glanced at Ed, who didn't seem to have heard it, and went to see who it was so late at night. He opened the door, and found himself staring at two sharp brown eyes. "Hello Hawkeye. Is there an emergency or are you being nosy?"

"Being nosy, sir," she answered briskly, stepping inside without permission. "I heard you had plans tonight and decided to wait outside your house to see if you were bringing anyone home with you. I saw you bring Edward inside." She looked around and went into the kitchen, finding Ed easily. She approached the kitchen table, and Roy honestly had no idea what she had had in mind, but he knew for sure that she changed her mind when she saw the way Ed zoned out.

She turned her head to Roy. "Did something happen?"

Roy shrugged. "We were working on regaining his memories."

Hawkeye looked down at Ed. "Is that true, Ed? Did you remember something?"

Ed exhaled loudly. "I guess it isn't justified in any circumstances." He over at Roy and smiled wanly. "But I still can't hate you for what you did."

Roy sat down across from him. "As long as you don't hate yourself."

"Nope," Ed murmured, slipping further down his chair and looking up at the ceiling. "I know myself too well to hate me. What do you think Al would say?" Hawkeye examined his face carefully, and her eyes flickered to the other each time one of them spoke.

"Your guess is better than mine."

"I should just tell him."

"If you think it's the right thing to do."

"Right and wrong seem to be kind of blurry to me recently."

"Sedatives can do that to you."

Finally, Hawkeye had enough. "Sir, explain to me what's going on."

Roy didn't look like he was about to give her the answer she wanted when Ed raised his hand abruptly. When he felt their eyes on him, he sat up and dropped his hand. "I killed those guys while I was drugged, the week I went missing." Hawkeye's sharp eyes examined the scene again. Maybe she had been jumping to conclusions when she thought Roy had slept with Ed... "Also, to answer your question, we did sleep together last night, but keep it a secret."

Roy sighed. "You know you just destroyed all my effort at keeping your secrets?"

Ed grinned weakly. "You did a piss poor job anyway."

Roy shrugged. "Fair enough. Satisfied, Hawkeye?"

She gave up then. Too much was going on at once, and she trusted Roy to take care of it in the end. She could just keep it under wraps for them. "Enough. I expect you to be on time tomorrow." Roy promised with a tired smile, and she excused herself, leaving the boys with some privacy. They didn't need it. Ed fell asleep within minutes, and Roy followed his example soon after.


	4. A Summarized Conclusion

The storage unit didn't have any drugs in it, but a closer inspection of the apartment brought to light a box of sedatives, chloroform included. Ed found the warehouse he'd been kept in, but no memories came back to him, and the place was cleaned up nicely, so there wasn't too much evidence to be had.

Resigned to the memories he had, he filed out his transfer papers and submitted a testimony that he killed the four young men, along with testimony to the things they'd done to him. The story corroborated with his doctor's analysis, and with no other testimonies offered against his, he was let off the hook. So, within three months, the incident cleared up, and Ed found himself settling into a regular routine with Interrogations.

Oh, and also settling into his boyfriend's house. Everything was unpacked, and Ed enjoyed the extra space Roy had in his home. He also really enjoyed the fire Roy burned when it was particularly chilly out, which happened frequently in the middle of October. Ed was enjoying one of those warm fires one windy evening, reading a book. He'd just gotten off the phone with Al, making plans for the winter holidays even though it was a long way off.

He looked up when Roy entered the room, looking haggard. "Bad day?" Ed asked.

Roy grunted and kicked his boots off. "Horrible. I can't believe they decided to have an _election_ for the next Fuhrer."

"You can run, right?"

Roy snorted. "Yeah, but how do I look to the public? A mass murderer with a _boyfriend_ fourteen years my junior? Might as well plaster a sign on my head: Homicidal Pervert." Ed chuckled, which normally would have earned a glare, but Roy was too tired.

"Relax. You'll win or you won't."

"And if I don't? I throw my ambitions and dreams down the toilet?"

Ed shrugged. "Then you can't help it and you do what you can to serve your country, as the respected General you are." Roy shook his head and sighed, but he didn't argue. "Anyway, you should read this book. I knew they had dirty magazines, but dirty books are new. It's really sexy." Roy gave Ed a wan smile, as if to say, 'alright, you made me smile; what do you want?' Ed scooted closer to his chair. "I've been waiting to try out these handcuffs..."

"You want me to wear them," Roy realized aloud, rolling his eyes.

Ed nudged his leg. "You know you're interested, Mr. Masochist."

Roy replied sarcastically, "Oh, yes, I'm interested, while my career hangs in the balance and my whole body is cramped from sitting at a desk all day. Handcuffs are _all _I can think about, Master Sadist."

"Great!" Ed exclaimed, jumping to his feet. "Me too! Let's go!"

He grabbed Roy's hand and dragged him toward the bedroom.

Really, Roy never had an option.


End file.
